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The Cucumbers of Wrath (transcript)
Silly Song Narrator: Once upon a time, there were some cranky cucumbers. (Sunny the sun smiles but as he looks down as he hears the cucumber-jalopy and the smile fades. The jalopy appears and the engine noises make the music and the singing kicks in.) Cucumbers: We're the cucumbers...of wrath! We'll never take a bath. It's our style to seldom smile and never laugh. We're the... cucumbers...of wrath! So stay out of our path! There's no escape from cranky cucumbers. We're the cucumbers of wrath! I'm Ma. I'm Pa. This's our brood. We're grumpy and we know it! That's Bob and Larry. They're both rude! And not afraid to show it! We're not the folks you'd like to meet, we bicker by hour. While other cucumbers're nice and sweet, We're really rather sour!. And as we go driving beside, I might spit in your eye! Or throw a snake in your milkshake to make you sigh! 'Cuz we're the...cucumbers...of wrath so stay out of our path! There's no escape from cranky cucumbers. We're the cucumbers of wrath! There's no escape from cranky cucumbers. We are the cucumbers of wrath. (A tree who was about to be run over comes to life and jumps into a close pond. The music ends.) Narrator: One day, the cucumbers were out riding around in their jalopy. When suddenly...they hit a stump. (Pa hits a tree stump and Larry and Bob fly out of the jalopy.) Pa Cucumber: We must of hit a bump. (Camera shows the tree stump that the jalopy hit.) Bob the Cucumber: Hey! What did you do that for? Larry the Cucumber: I didn't do it. You did, you big possum head. Bob: No I didn't, you taco salad rabbit nose. Larry: You did too, you casserole head pimento loaf iguana boy! (Everyone goes into silence.) Bob: Pa! (Pa steps out of the jalopy.) Pa: Now Larry, apologize to your brother. Larry: Huh? What for? Pa: Well, you know he just turned 35 years old. Larry: Yeah, so? Pa: So, that would make him a casserole head, pimento loaf iguana man! Larry: Ah, yeah, sorry about that...cabbage-nose Elvis puppy. Bob: Yeah, and don't you forget it! (Camera turns to Claire.) Larry: Pa! There's someone over there! Pa: Eh? Ooh... Oh, you're right! Uh... Well what kind of fellow do you suppose that is, Ma? Ma Cucumber: Oh, let's see... Hm, It's no cucumber that's for sure. (Everyone agrees.) Pa: It must be some kind of a bean or something. (Everyone agrees again.) Bob: Well, what's that thing she has on her head? Larry: Well, it's brown. Um, chocolate's brown. Mm-hm. Pa: So that would make her, a chocolate-headed bean girl! Everyone else: Ooh! Claire Asparagus: Ahem! I'm not a bean, I'm an asparagus. Pa: What did the bean girl say? Larry: She said she was an aspara-mawhoosit. Pa: Huh? Claire: As''paragus''! A plant of the Liliacus genus. From the Greek: Aspharagos. Everyone else: Ooh! Claire: And this isn't chocolate on my head! It's just my hair. My brown hair. (she removes her hair, which turns into a wig) (Everyone else starts laughing.) Pa: Look at that bald spot! Bob: It looks like it's bald! Yo, bean girl! You got hair off your noggin? (Claire starts sob.) Narrator: Luckily, Archibald heard the cucumbers laughing and Claire sobbing, and came outside to see what all the commotion was about. (Claire sobs.) Archibald Asparagus: Hey, what's all the commotion out here? ...Ooh, cucumbers! Claire: They called me bean girl and told me I had a bald spot on my head! Archibald: Is that true? Pa: Oh, no. No, no, no. we wouldn't do such a thing as what you said we would of done, except, for maybe we did that I guess, now that you...oh. Well, okay, we did that. Yep, that's what we did. Narrator: So, Archibald explained to the cucumbers that when we make fun of people and call them names, that makes them feel very bad inside. He also told them that God wants us to be kind to everybody, and that when we act mean, it makes God feel sad too. Pa: Well, Gee I... I guess we didn't really stop to think about it, well, how it was making you feel and all. Larry: Yeah, we were just having some fun, didn't mean nothing to it. Bob: Yeah, sorry... sorry. (Everyone else says sorry.) Pa: We'll no longer be mean again! Archibald: Okay, that's much better. Now Claire, is there anything you like to say to the cucumbers? Claire: Um... Like what? Narrator: Archibald explained to her that when someone says they're sorry for hurting you, and they really mean it, we have to forgive them. That way, we all feel better. Claire: Oh, I get it! Okay, I forgive you, cucumbers. (Everyone else sighs in relief.) Archibald: All right, now does everyone feel better? (Everyone else saying yes if they were better.) Archibald: It's almost time for dinner. Come inside, Claire. Larry: Claire? Bob: Her name's Claire? (Bob and Larry laugh happily when Claire gets angry.) Bob: That's a funny name! Claire: (angrily) OKAY, THAT DOES IT!! Category:Episodes transcripts